One thing I see again and again in my work is this: the body doesn’t heal just because we want it to. It heals when it feels safe.

This may sound simple, but it’s a foundational truth in somatic healing - and it’s supported by science. No amount of forcing, willing, or pushing will override a system that is still in protection mode. Until the nervous system receives the signal that it’s safe to relax, the body will hold its ground.

The Myth of Forcing Healing

THE SCIENCE BEHIND SAFETY

Enter: Polyvagal Theory. Developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges, this theory helps us understand how the autonomic nervous system (which regulates automatic functions like heartbeat, digestion, and breathing) is constantly scanning our environment for cues of danger or safety.

This scanning process is called neuroception — a kind of subconscious surveillance system. It doesn’t rely on our thoughts or logic. It’s the body’s own intelligence, always asking: Am I safe?

When the body senses threat, it activates survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. But when it perceives safety, it shifts into a different mode known as the ventral vagal state - the part of the parasympathetic nervous system that supports calm, connection, and healing.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE FEEL SAFE?

When the body enters this regulated state:

• Muscle tension begins to ease

• Breathing slows and deepens

• Heart rate variability (HRV) increases, indicating flexibility and resilience in the nervous system

• Higher brain functions come online: emotional regulation, creative thinking, and self-awareness

In this state, the nervous system is no longer locked in defense. The body can start to unwind old patterns and integrate new ones. Trauma, stress, and stored tension begin to soften.

SAFETY CREATES THE CONDITIONS FOR HEALING

True healing isn’t about overriding discomfort. It’s not about pushing harder or distracting ourselves. It’s about creating the right conditions for the body to feel secure enough to let go.

This is why practices rooted in presence, gentle touch, attunement, coregulation and body awareness are so effective. They communicate safety on a biological level, inviting the nervous system into a state where healing is possible.

THE ROLE OF COREGULATION

We like to think of healing as an individual journey, and in many ways, it is. But we’re wired to connect. In fact, much of our capacity for regulation is shaped through relationship — a process known as coregulation.

Coregulation is what happens when another person’s calm, attuned presence signals to our body that we’re safe. It’s not about fixing, advising, or doing anything in particular. It’s about being with. When someone holds us in grounded presence (steady breath, soft tone, open posture) our system can start to settle. Not because we told it to, but because it felt the resonance of safety.

This matters, especially for people whose early experiences were shaped by dysregulation or emotional absence. When the nervous system didn’t learn safety through connection, it often needs to re-learn that experience in the presence of another. That’s where attuned therapeutic relationships — and even moments of genuine presence in daily life — can be profoundly reparative.

In my life, I’ve experienced how just being met — truly met — can shift our state. It’s often subtle. A softening in the breath. A longer exhale. Shoulders that lower by a few inches. These moments may seem small, but to a system that’s been on guard for years, they speak volumes.

A New Paradigm for Healing

Clinical and neurobiological research now supports what somatic practitioners have known intuitively: healing requires regulation. When the nervous system feels safe, it can re-pattern itself. It can shift out of survival and into a more integrated, responsive state.

So the next time you find yourself trying to "fix" or force something in your healing process, ask instead: What would help my system feel just a little safer right now? That question might just be the doorway to a beautiful unfolding.

An invitation to begin

You don’t need to push through or figure it all out. But if your system is asking for support, or if you're simply curious about how this work might feel, you're warmly invited to reach out.

I offer a free 15-minute consultation where we can chat, explore your questions, and see if this feels like the right fit for you.

Come as you are. We’ll begin from there.